And now back to our regular scheduled programming already in progress.
Seems that chemo doesn’t take “learning days” off, which I suppose is a good thing, but right now feels really crappy. It’s 2:45 am and I’m sipping ginger tea and mentally flipping between an image of chaos on the Enterprise with Scotty screaming that the shields are down while ugly invaders beam in all over the ship, and one of a Medieval castle swarmed by hordes of barbarian bacteria while a lone white blood cell races into the foreground on a horse in an effort to round up reinforcements. I may be hallucinating, I’m not sure.
This seems a bit dramatic for what is really just a bad cold. But a bad cold when your immune system is beaten into submission by poison that’s supposed to save you is, well, bad. Fast, furious, no holds barred (what does that even mean, anyway?), kick you in the teeth when you’re down bad. It’s the Kenpo karate of colds.
A big thank you to Judith, who let me crash at her place for a rest before I went to the train station today, to Katy and Ellie who joined in during my coughing fits and turned them into cough-alongs, and to Mike who got me home and didn’t count or comment on the glasses wine I drank on the train to ease my sore throat. Ok, he probably counted in his head, but he didn’t comment.
Off to London Doctors Relief Service in the morning to round up some reinforcements. Would be really funny if the Dr. is named Scott.
It’s a Learning Day
I’m at an Intro to WordPress course today, put on by Ladies Learning Code in Toronto. Allergies and cold be damned.
Life on the Curve
From a very cool math website - www.mrhonner.com
A pattern has emerged in my chemotherapy treatment. It’s an inverted bell curve with treatment day at the beginning. So, a day or so of ok (‘roid rage” aside) then a dip into 5-7 days of exhaustion and fuzzy-headedness until the Neupogen injections cease, then a steady climb back to normal until it’s time for the next treatment. At least this is helping me plan for activities and excursions, not to mention the days when my brain just doesn’t function at full capacity and I lose, drop, and forget things.
I am now pretty used to being bald. I actually don’t mind it that much! One less thing to fuss with in my day. I tend to forget all about it, until I see the look on the face of the unsuspecting person at the door – payback time for all those door-to-door solicitors. I’m loving wearing the hats! I have discovered that it’s more difficult to regulate body temperature when you don’t have hair. I’m putting hats and scarves on and off all day and night.
Mothers’ Day was one of my good days. A while back I committed Katy and myself to the 5K Run for Ovarian Cancer (prior to actually getting cancer myself). We were running as The Warrior Girls with my running heroes from work. The VON nurse that visited me last said no more races, and my Dr. was starting look frowny so I decided not to run. Katy’s bronchitis had already taken her out of the running. And we were all busy and exhausted from our week. Then on the morning of the run I woke up early and decided I would just go and cheer on my friends. I took my bib with me though. You know, just in case I felt like walking a bit. I ended up walking the whole 5k, half of it with my friends who kept me company and kept me laughing. It was a great morning! Only days before I couldn’t walk around a store for more than 30 minutes without having to go home and rest. I did go home for a hot bath and nap afterwards, but I was smiling.
Family Games Night Dundas-style
This week was a bit of a rude awakening to the realities of cancer and cancer treatment. I’d been more or less ok – tired, grumpy about the injections, dragging myself to Dr.’s appointments and paying the parking mafia. Then on Monday I got really, really tired. Napping for four hours tired. And Katy got sick. And the cat hacked up a hairball with a bunch of blood. And my hair started to fall out all over the place. It was a long day.
So, obviously the effects of chemo are cumulative and I won’t be running any 5k races in the near future. I’ll walk them 
After getting through Monday, I had had enough of the hair thing and asked Katy if she wanted to shave my head. I thought she might be a little apprehensive, or maybe even sad. Nope. You’d have thought I’d asked her if she wanted a guest spot on GLEE! I held her off until Mike got home so we could do it together – who needs board games when you can shave Mom’s head? Armed with clippers (her) and a big glass of wine (me) she set to work. She asked if she could give me a Mohawk. Why the hell not? She did a pretty good job. I still have both ears and no blood was shed. Then I finished it off myself doing my best GI Jane impression. It’s a pretty surreal feeling buzzing a path through your hair and watching it hit the floor. Pretty awesome actually. I recommend everyone do it once.
I actually don’t mind the way I look. I’m not ready to go out bald or even post a photo here yet, but I have great hats and and scarves and I am rocking the pirate look around the house. I went to Katy’s play last night and grocery shopping today. With the exception of one acquaintance who let her eyes skate over me and keep on going (I know you recognized me), everyone has been respectful and kind. I suspect my wig will not get a lot of use this summer.
My henna crown is booked for May 29 at my sister’s house and Nicola has contacted Henna Heals to find out about getting trained to do crowns for chemo patients in Toronto. Free touch ups for me!
So after a very rocky start this week is getting better. Even the cat is feeling better.
Avengers!
Great mood booster. Lots of smashing, explosions and such. But, the best part was when we were leaving and I got the giggles while contemplating the Hurricane Simulator machine. Soooo tempting to go in and let it whirl the rest of my hair off. Imagine the reactions! Still giggling a bit.
Hair today …
I didn’t realize how important hair is to us until I learned I was going to have chemotherapy. I brushed the hair issue aside (pun so very intended), and thought about living. But, it’s always one of the eventual, questions I get asked. Kids are fascinated by the whole bald thing. Hair is a big deal, or at least the loss of it is. The shaving of a head was often, and sometimes is still, done to shame people.
I did go out and buy a wig that resembles my usual colour and cut, but in the days leading up to my first chemo appointment I felt a desperate need to take some control of what was about to happen to me and I got it cut short. Suddenly, I felt good again.
But now it’s really starting to fall out and my brave face isn’t quite so firmly in place. I’m afraid to even touch my head, and I just bundled my pillow case up this morning and tossed it in the hamper. Am I still a redhead if I don’t have hair?
I am really hoping to get a henna crown. At least I’ll look badass and fearless even on my less brave days, even if it’s just in my mirror before I put on a funky hat!
Chemo #2: Red Devils
Busy week. Tuesday I got great news from my oncologist. All my pre-treatment scans show no further cancer! That was a big relief, because for the last two months every twinge, ache or pain has been suspect in my mind. Now we’re pretty sure the cancer did not get a chance to spread. No such thing as a sure thing in this bizarre world I’ve fallen into, but I’ll take what I can get!
My energy levels are all over the map. Some days I can socialize and run errands and others leave me clumsy, forgetful and require both 4 hour naps and early nights. I did manage to go to book club this week, as well as visit with a couple of my best friends. Laughter and witty women are certainly the best medicine. Thanks, ladies.
Yesterday my scalp started to prickle, so I’m pretty sure my redhead days are numbered. However, the universe dropped this in my lap the same day:
www.hennaheals.com ©Frances Darwin
I’ve already contacted Frances and hope to get my henna crown while the rest of my family are down south. I can’t travel there so, Toronto it is. Henna Heals is an amazing concept and company. If you know any women who might benefit, please pass the link along.
Today was my second chemo treatment. And my birthday. This certainly wasn’t how I expected to spend my 46th birthday, but there are also worse ways to spend it. Red Devil again – take a look. Not only does it go in red; it comes out red too. Oh the joys of chemo.
My Mom took me this time and then we went out for birthday sushi. Figured I’d better eat stuff I like just in case the nausea kicks in later. So far, so good. Then it was hammock time with a glass of Pinot Grigio and a book.
A few hours later, as feared, the steroids kicked in again. This time, rather than stomping around and sending outraged email to unsuspecting co-workers, I put it to good use. The foot high grass/crab grass in our little back yard was really pissing me off. It took about 30 pulls and 15 priming pumps, but I got the John Deere going and mowed that sucker down. Seemed appropriate – chemo targets fast-growing cells (cancer, hair follicles etc) and chemo patient targets fast growing plants! My lovely neighbour, Larry, came out and cut his at the same time. I suspect he was keeping an eye on me to make sure I didn’t go berserk or fall in the pool.
Before
After
My energy is gone now. Think I’ll go find a beer and hit that hammock again.
Race Day – Forest City Road Races 5km
Yesterday was a pretty special day. The weather was gorgeous and I was surrounded by thousands (literally) of determined people each running for their own reasons. Pretty hard not to be inspired when the guy beside you must be at least 70 (looking very confident in his runner’s tights!), and the grandmas keep passing you.
Another bonus was that Katy transformed from a whiny pre-teen complaining about the tyranny of her parents to a bouncy, excited, social butterfly cheering on anyone she recognized and declaring that she likes running and will do more races as long as she can do them her way. Funny, from what I’ve experienced she does pretty much everything her way.
The race itself was better than I expected. Given that I hadn’t really done much training and was still dealing with fatigue and bone pain from the chemo, I was very pleased with my time of 41:48 minutes. It beat my last time and that was all I cared about. Well, actually crossing the damn finish line upright was all I really cared about! Mike and Katy were about a minute ahead of me, which means she beat her last time as well. Poor Mike was last in his class due to staying with Katy to make sure she didn’t take a cab or stop at the Starbucks along the route.
The last kilometre was pretty rough for me. I was just behind Mike & Katy, although they didn’t know that, and was about to catch them so we could cross the finish line more or less together when they took off to sprint the last bit. My English Lit-trained brain suddenly read all sorts of symbolism into this, and I got emotional and couldn’t breath. Not a good time to be over-analyzing! Luckily my stubborn streak took over and I rounded the last corner with a modicum of oxygen in my lungs to see a cheering squad of my running buddies from work. Thanks, Warrior Girls!! That boosted me over the finish line with a grin/grimace on on my face. Damn, was I glad to be done.
As for the rest of the day, I wore my medal for most of it. A three hour nap was required, an excruciating headache was eventually squashed, and a long soak with a bottle of bubbly beside the tub rounded it out.
My next chemo treatment is on Thursday, if my blood work is good on Tuesday. Sitting in the cancer clinic having toxic crap injected into my body wouldn’t be my first choice for a birthday, but I’d certainly rather keep on going than postpone. I’ll just make sure I eat some birthday cake before the nausea can catch me.